[joke] : Gulder Ultimate Search

The 2014 Gulder Ultimate Search is here again!!! The search is scheduled to take place in SAMBISA FOREST in Borno. This year's contestants will search for the BOKO HARAM LEADER & the star price is 1Billion Dollars. Feel free to apply as the form is free of charge.

[joke] :POLICE TURNS SCRIPTURE MINISTER

    On a very Faithful day, A priest was Driving along the route of Lagos-Ibadan express road and he was stopped by a series of police men along the way.They ask for all his documents which he presented, but still, they wont let him through.

Suddenly, one of the police officers noticed a letter on the plate number which was slightly written as 'L' instead of 'I' and he shouted 'Stolen Vehicle!!!!'. The priest on hearing this tried to explain that a person of his nature can never indulge in such barbaric act as he heard a very deep voice from behind. the following Conversation took place between the Priest and the OC

OC : You said you are a priest abi?

Priest : Yes off course , I am.

OC: Where is your Bible?

Priest: Here it is.

OC: Please read Matthew 5:25-26 to me

The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and reads

Priest: "Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

OC : So?

Priest quietly made an offering of just N100 to his newly found "preacher".

OC : End of service go in peace and try to read your Bible frequently.

[Joke]The Smart Teacher

This conversation actually took place between a girl and a Teacher …
GIRL: I have sinned. I just told my BF he is a Demon

TEACHER: that's not a nice thing to call anyone, what did he do to deserve that?

GIRL: Well, he kissed me.

TEACHER:You mean like this? The psychiatrist kissed the girl

GIRL: ......Yes!

TEACHER:that's no reason to call him a Demon.

GIRL:But, he put his hands into my shirt.

TEACHER:You mean like this? The psychiatrist put his hand into the girl's shirt

GIRL:Exactly!

TEACHER:Well that's no reason to call him a Demon.

GIRL:He took my clothes off also.

TEACHER:You mean like this? The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes

GIRL:Yes!

TEACHER:Well that's no reason to call him a Demon.

GIRL:Am not done yet.Had sex with me!

TEACHER:You mean like this? The psychiatrist had sex with the girl

GIRL:.Yes!

TEACHER:Well that's no reason to call him a Demon.

GIRL:But, then he told me he has AIDS.

TEACHER:DEEEEMONN!!!!!

[joke]: Annoying Akpos

Ekaette: I too hate that Akpos..
Chichi  : Why?..
Ekaette: Yesterday I gave him food, today he gave me a book titled *How to Cook for Beginners*

[joke]:Nigerian Minded

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.

When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."

[joke]:Daddy's Explanation Goes Wild

     A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat on Facebook. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

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You'll love this.... '
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You got Male!